Back to Articles List
"Spiritual Healing For Your Grief When You Have Lost a Loved One"
By Aliya Nicholaisen
There are many reasons to cope with your grief and confront unresolved issues that you may have regarding the loss of someone special. It can affect your life on so many different levels, from your physical health, mental well-being, your ability to cope with life's responsibilities, to your ability to maintain healthy relationships with others.
So often when you have lost a loved one, it seems impossible to keep spiritual principles intact, even if you felt you had a firm grip on them before your loved one passed on. Some may experience feelings of anger, depression, guilt, sadness, regret, among other individual feelings based on their own unique sense of loss. You have heard countless times before that these feelings are all part of the normal grieving process, and while you know this is true, the knowledge of it may not make you feel any better. Sometimes this process seems to go on forever, or just when you think you're doing better, something comes out of the blue and catches you off guard, making you feel as if you are back at the beginning of it all. It seems that after the initial loss, when others were (or perhaps were not) around to offer their support, suddenly you find yourself alone, as if you're being told "OK, now it's time to move on." You want to cry, but instead smile, until you are alone, as everything reminds you of them. This transitional period can sometimes make it difficult to reach out for continued support, because some people may feel ashamed that they are still having difficulties and are still in need of that support. Whether the person you have lost was taken unexpectedly, or it was a death you thought you were "ready for," you find out you are never ready for the loss of someone special, whatever the circumstance. Your life changes, you miss them, you want them back, and nothing seems to soothe these feelings.
Even if because of your spiritual principles, you think they are still among us, or doing well in the hereafter, you may berate yourself for not being able to find comfort in this. You may also admonish yourself inwardly because now, on top of everything else, you feel a sense of shame that if you "really spiritually believed," you would not be having these feelings. So now you feel guilt at possibly lacking faith as well.
Some people become angry at God for taking their loved one, "before their time," again causing a perceived separation from God, who until now, has been a foundation. Other people in your life may begin to feel helpless because they may no longer know what to do for you, and they may quietly withdraw. In some ways, the loss of a loved one can begin to feel like you have lost even more, including the support of your family, friends, and a separation from whatever your spiritual faith has been. Some of your feelings may be based on wondering if you did enough (or too much in some cases), if they are doing OK, and what really happened to them when they passed on. Do they see you now? Do they know how much you love them; How much you miss them? Were they in pain? The questions seem endless. You want to have faith, so you tell yourself that what you think you have believed all of your life is true, that they "live on" in heaven or some similar "good" place, and are still watching over you. But still you doubt, you want to KNOW.
One of the biggest "catches" to spirituality is that it is based on believing, on faith. But it is a different kind of belief, not a belief in something we have been conditioned to think or feel. It is an inner knowing, our soul's memory of what really is, and sometimes when you are out of balance, it is hard to remember what your soul truly knows. This is why, sometimes even after grief counseling, we still have the same feelings and questions, because often times it does not deal with the spiritual side of life. It does not answer questions, but seems to only be asking more questions. Questions about your feelings, questions about your reality, so you feel it has fallen short of allaying your fears and giving you the real answers you're seeking. Often times you may seek the advice of your clergy, and again find that the answers are so generalized, and not specific to your loved one (which you blame yourself for being focused on), that it fails to give you the real peace you are seeking.
So what do you do when you feel hopeless, and your feelings seem to go on forever? When all of the talking, crying, love, praying, time, and counseling does not make you feel any better?
Ultimately there IS a way to know what has become of your loved one. I am going to bring up a subject that may be unknown to you, or may make a few of you uncomfortable, but please give me the benefit of the doubt, and read on with an open mind. A reading with a Psychic Medium (someone who can communicate with "The Other Side") can be a very powerful experience on your journey of healing. A Psychic Medium is someone who can ask your loved one the questions you have had, and can finally give the answers you have been seeking. Someone who can tell you that your loved one is well, and convey to you what your loved one has been witness to from The Other Side, and can share your loved ones message that it is ok to move on without guilt, that moving on does not mean you are moving away, or don't love them (you don't have to prove your love through your grief).
Psychic Mediums have helped thousands of people cope with the grief of losing a loved one, by sharing their beloved's unique and definitive messages and affirmations with them. These messages have literally changed those lives forever in multiple, positive ways. Knowing that your loved ones are not only happy and well, but are also still with you, sharing both your joys and sorrows, that they are watching over you and are able to share what they have observed in your life, empowers you to move forward with the knowledge that you truly are not alone. Often times you may have unfinished business with your loved ones, things you wonder about, or something you were never able to hear or say before their passing. Being able to have closure in these areas, allows you to gain peace of mind and focus on the loving aspects of your relationship with them. Sometimes, people just need the validation that they too have felt spirit presence, and have been receiving messages on their own. Medium Readings can also help those seeking personal validation of what is on The Other Side, as part of their spiritual growth and understanding.
Is this the answer for everyone? No it isn't, because everyone has their own needs, thoughts, and paths, but for a lot of people, this is one piece of the healing process that helps them remember and know that their loved one is still there, which can help get them past the spiraling thought processes that seem to keep them stuck in a prolonged grieving process. Numerous bereavement groups have found this type of spiritual healing, through credible Psychic Mediums, to be the missing link for many of the bereaved.
Are all Psychic Mediums credible? Unfortunately, the answer is no, and you should do your research just as you would with any major decision. There are many good Psychic Mediums besides the famous ones you may have seen on TV. Psychic Mediums who are not booked for years in advance, as the very popular Mediums usually are. You should be aware as you search, that there is a difference between a Psychic reading and a Medium reading. There is a phrase used that describes the difference well: "All Psychic Mediums are Psychics, but not all Psychics are Mediums." Remember this as you search, a Medium is really who you want to look for, as their specialty and abilities have given them more experience connecting with The Other Side, than that of a regular psychic, whose skills are focused on prophecy. Pray to God, your angels, loved ones, or whomever, for direction, and learn to trust your inner knowing as you search for the Psychic Medium you feel the most comfortable with. Look for someone who has good testimonials from those they have read for, someone who makes you feel comfortable. Figure out what personal qualities you relate to, i.e., are they down to earth, can they help you on your spiritual path, man or woman, older or younger, whatever it is that you think will be a good fit, and keep that in mind while remaining flexible to being particularly "struck" by someone as you search. Only begin this journey once you have had time to go through the "normal" grieving process, and feel that you are ready. A reputable Psychic Medium will be there for you in the future if you need them, but will also encourage you to move on and allow you to feel your loved ones near without their help, without attempting to keep you tied to them and future consultations, through dependency. It is very important that you find one that you feel has a good understanding of, and compassion for the grieving process. One that you know takes their responsibility to the bereaved, and the impact they can have on you, very seriously.
Is a Medium Reading a substitute for the normal grieving process and/or counseling? Definitely no. Although it can certainly be used in conjunction with, prior to, or after grief counseling (but not instead of), unless of course after a reading, you find that it has helped you immensely, as it has many people.
Don't we all have the ability to do this? No, not everyone. I do believe that each of us has special gifts of a spiritual nature, but as with physical human skills, they vary greatly. You do have special gifts, but whether this is among them, is something that only you can find out for sure. A good Psychic Medium can and should help you to tune into your spiritual awareness as well, if you desire. I would like to tell you that everyone can do this, but I don't like to put that pressure on people, especially if you personally are not able to. It's like saying "Can anyone be a musician?" Well, with enough time, patience and dedication, perhaps anyone can play an instrument, but the end product will vary greatly. Some could be great, others not so much.
The principles I will talk about below can be applied prior to, or after a healing reading with a Psychic Medium, as they go hand in hand, working in conjunction with each other.
Begin healing with the following principles:
First, let yourself feel your feelings. Go through your process as an individual, be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to cry, to talk, to ask for help, to feel everything authentically, and stop worrying what other people will say or think about you.
Be sure to take care of your physical body to help combat some of the processes grief can kick into motion. Try to eat the right things (even if you don't feel like eating), drink plenty of water and make sure you get plenty of rest. Breathe deeply throughout your day, and try to keep your body clock on schedule as much as you are able. You can visit my bereavement page, to view a video that has more important information regarding how you can keep your body balanced during this difficult time, so that you are not faced with the additional issue of ill health.
Go ahead and talk to your loved one, or write them a letter. You can still communicate with them, and they do still hear you, because they are with you. Put personal items (pictures or any other reminders) of them out where you can see them and feel them near. Conversely, if this seems to cause you discomfort, put them away. There will come a time when you are able to put them back out, when you will not feel such raw pain associated with these items.
Go anywhere you feel comforted, to your church, counselor, the grave site, or your home, and know, really know, that wherever you are, so are they.
Sit and be still. Meditate, pray but give yourself the quiet opportunity to feel and sense your beloved's presence with you still. Allow yourself to feel peaceful, to move past the pain to feel joy again. Do not think that you have to be miserable to prove your love; They know you love them, and want only for you to be happy. Often, people feel that if they get past their grief, that perhaps their loved one will think they are no longer needed, and may "move on" and not remain near them. I can assure you, this is not true; They will never be far from you.
Ultimately, allow yourself to need what you need, feel what you feel, and move through the process at your own pace, and in your own way. Know that what may help one person, may not help you and vice versa.
Whatever you choose, whether it be a counselor, clergy, Psychic Medium, a combination of those, or nothing at all, always follow your own path, and give yourself the comfort of knowing that there is Light Beyond the Veil. Your loved ones are there, and are eager to communicate with you, to help you live in the peace and joy that you are here for.
© Copyright Aliya Nicholaisen, Light Beyond The Veil.
For more information on Aliya's spiritual services & your healing journey, please visit http://www.LightBeyondTheVeil.com